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The BOD it lies, over the ocean
The BOD it lies, over the sea
The BOD it lies, over the ocean
Oh, what can the BOD mean to me?
Chorus:
Speak not, Speak not
Board of Directors, to me, to me!
Speak not, Speak not
Board of Directors to me!
The BOD likes to make all the rulings-
The BOD likes to see the red tape!
The BOD really wants to befriend you!
But watch out behind for the rape!
(Chorus)
The BOD it tells lies to the landed
The BOD it tells lies to the slob
The BOD it tells lies to the belted
Do you think that is really their job?
(Chorus)
The BOD makes you pay for the minutes
It's not that they're really your foe
It's just that they're so beaurocratic
They find that this makes thing go slow
(Chorus)
The BOD, they all elect each other
It really is something to see!
It's always the same bunch of brigands,
Elected perpetually!
(Chorus)
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Loch Wood
22 FEB 88
Perfection
I searched for the perfect sword
The perfect lord
The perfect woman
I found them
The perfect sword is no sword
And freedom from strife
The perfect lord is no lord
And freedom in life
The perfect woman is no woman
And freedom from wife!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, College of St. Phillip
28 FEB 88
Rattan the Beautiful
to the tune of: America the Beautiful
C G
O, Beautiful, for Rattan death
C
For amber sticks of wood!
C
For strapping tape
G
And tape of Duct
D7 G
To keep the color good!
C
A rattan sword
G7
A rattan sword
C
We'll wrap the grip with wire
F
And crown a knight
C
With lordly might
F G7 C
From shire to shining shire!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, College of St. Phillip
3 MAR 88
The Impossible Filk
to the tune of: The Impossible Dream
To dream, a medieval dream
To fight, with a chivalrous foe
To bear, all your knight's heavy armor
To filk, when the fight goes to slow!
To the right, when the traffic is wrong
To love, in the back of your car
To try, when your senses are reeling
To reach, the unreachable bar!
This is our quest! To get to the bar!
No matter how hopeless! No matter how far!
To fight for the right! With churls and thanes!
To be willing to march down the street just to
freak the mundanes!
And we know, if we'll only be true
To our drunken bequest
That the beer, will taste smooth going down
As we sit there and rest!
And the world, will be better for this
That our band, armed and dressed up in garb
Still strove, with our last roll of duct tape
To reach....the unreachable....BAR!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22 College of St Phillip, Far West Barony
3 MAR 88
Go Bash 'im In The Helmet
to the tune of: Go Tell It On The Mountain
When I was a mundane
I sought a knight to slay
I asked a lord to help me
And he taught me the way
Chorus:
Go bash 'im in the helmet
Over the shield and everywhere
Go bash 'im in the helmet
A fighter jock is born!
Now I am a stick jock,
I fight with raw rattan
And wear a leather codpiece
To prove I am a man!
(Chorus)
When I seek the wenches
They canna' say me nay
Because I am so courtly
In my modest way!
(Chorus)
Some don't like my singing-
They say I'm much too brash
But if you'd have me quiet
My helmet you must bash!
(Chorus)
Charric Van der Vliet
AS222, College of St. Phillip
3MAR88
He's A Stick Jock From Our Land
to the tune of : He's Got The Whole World In His Hands
He's got rattan death, In his hand!
He's got rattan death, In his hand!
He's got rattan death, In his hand!
He's a stick jock from our land!
-------------------------------------------------
He's got-
a viking round shield....
a mace and a target...
an ax and a heater...
a wench's virtue...
a kingdom's future...
a brand new filk song...
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, College of St. Phillip, Far West Barony
3 MAR 88
Away At A Tourney
to the tune of : Away in a Manger
Away at a tourney, a cloak for a bed
There does Lord Charric lie down his crazed head
The peerage that walk by look down at his snore
Contentedly sleeping, an absolute boar!
The fighter jock, drinking, sees poor Charric wake
But till he gets coffee, no sound will he make
He drinks his ambition and then starts to sing
Another punned filk song, a terrible thing!
Be near me, Lord Charric, I ask thee to stay!
Come write me a sonnet or love song, I pray!
Bless all the fair maidens with your sweet fine air
And show us all glory with musical care!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, College of St. Phillip
3 MAR 88
O, Noble Knight
to the tune of: Oh, Noble Night
O, noble knight!
The swords are brightly shining!
It is the night of the Knowne Worlde's birth!
Long lay the world
In mundane life, so boring!
Till we appeared and the duct tape found it's worth!
A thrill of fear!
My weary shield arm rises!
And yonder breaks
Another rattan sword!
|: Bow-to the crown!
O, hear-the bardic voices!
A knight-calls for wine!
A knight-will guard the right!
A knight-calls for wine!
O-o-o Noble Knight! :|
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, College of St. Phillip
3 MAR 88
Pauldrons On My Shoulders
to the tune of: Sunshine On My Shoulders by John Denver
Pauldrons-on my shoulders-make me happy
Rattan-on my leg-can make me cry!
Breastplate-on a fighter-looks so lovely!
Armor-almost always-makes me high!
If I had a favor- that I could give to you
I'd give to you a favor- with my device!
And if I had a tent- that I could take you to-
I'd show you that a fighter's love is nice!
(Chord as 2nd Verse)
If I had a tale-that I could tell to you
I'd tell a tale of knights and chivalry
And if I had a filk-that I could sing to you
I'd sing to you a filk of armory
(Chord as 1st Verse)
Pauldrons-on my shoulders-make me happy!
Rattan-on my helm can make me die!
Tudor-on the wenches-looks so lovely!
Armor-almost always makes me high!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, College of St. Phillip
3 MAR 88
The Fighter Who Never Returned
to the tune of: MTA: The Man Who Never Returned - The Kingston Trio
Let me tell you all a story 'bout a fighter named Eric
On a tragic and fateful day
He strapped his shield to his arm, put his hand to his helmet
And went out, to fight in the melee
Chorus:
And did he ever return? No, he never returned
And his fate is still unlearned
For he's stuck in the muck of the fields of An Tir
He's the fighter who never returned!
Eric went out and stood up for the armor inspection
In his armor which weighed a ton
And the marshall came by, looked him straight in the eye and said
"I think you're safe, my son!"
(Chorus)
Well the weather in An Tir has been known to be dampish
That is called the An Tir luck
And as Eric strode out, he must have had a small doubt
As he staggered out into the muck!
(Chorus)
They then fought man-to-man, with their taped up rattan
Till the field grew brown with mud
And the sinkhole in the middle got deeper and deeper
That hole was out for Eric's blood!
(Chorus)
Well, Eric, though not sensible about his armor
Was as brave as any man
So he charged into the middle of a weakening center
Saying "Avaunt!" into the sinkhole he then ran!
(Chorus)
Well, they searched all the field for a sign of Eric,
But only one sign was found
Twas the muddy broken feather from the top of his helm
Lying out on the fighting ground!
(Chorus)
So, remember when you're fighting on the fields of An Tir
To wear your flotation vest!
And take warning from this story of the fate of Eric
Whose armor was the very best!
(Chorus)
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Loch Wood
18 MAR 88
Medieval Minuet
to the tune of : Merry Minuet - Kingston Trio
Shield walls in Calontir
Caid feels no pain
There's hurricanes in Meridies (Mare-rid-ee-ays)
And Atenveldt needs rain!
Trimaris is festering with stick jockey souls
If swords cannot get them then we'll just use poles!
Artemesia's Adamant
But something here smells like cod
(I think that it's coming from the BOD!)
But we can be tranquil and thankfull, and free
For we have been endowed with a beaurocracy!
And we know for certain that midst smiles and waves
They'll tie us up in red tape, and we will all become their slaves!
Outlands and Drachenwald and up in An Tir
In Aethelmarc and Ealdormer
They all want a beer-
Ansteorra's hard to sing
There's strife East and West
We're stuck in the Middle and
Atlantia does her best!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Loch Wood
18 MAR 88
The Marvelous SCA
to the tune of: The Marvelous Toy by Tom Paxton
When I was a younger lad, full of health all day
I saw them coming home one night, they said, "We're the SCA!"
A wonder to behold, they were, in many colors bright
And the moment I laid eyes on them, they became my heart's delight!
'Cause they- clanked when they walked and
Bopped till they dropped
And sang when they stood still
They said they lived Medieval and
I guess they always will!
------------------------------------
The first time that I tried to fight, I got a big surprise
I couldn't breathe, my arms were tired, and blinded were my eyes
But I picked up my sword and swung it around and behind my shield I hid
And when I stepped out on the field, this is what I did
I clanked when I walked and bopped till I dropped, and sang when I stood still!
Now I live Medieval and I guess I always will!
I've fought all over the world it seems, in parks and at the fair
And when I fall, they always say, "Are you OK in there?"
And I just laugh and breathe real hard, 'cause I know that I will find
That I'm ready to go and do it again, when I get off my behind!
I clank when I walk and bop till I drop and sing when I stand still!
Now I live Medieval and I guess I always will!
Now that I am getting on, my bones all cracked with age
I finally decided that I'd make my boy a page
His eyes near popped right out of his head and he gave a squeal of glee
Off he goes to the tournaments, he loves it just like me!
And he clanks when he walks and bops till he drops and sings when he stands still
Now he lives Medieval and I guess he always will!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Loch Wood
20 MAR 88
Join the SCA!
to the tune of : Que Sera, Sera by Jay Livingston and Ray Evans
When I was just a mundane boy,
I asked the Gold Key, what will I be?
Will I be Norman, or Tudor Fop?
Here's what she said, to me...
Join the SCA!
Whatever you'll be, you'll be
If you'd live Medievally
Join the SCA!
-----------------------------------
When I was just a mundane boy
I asked the marshall, how shall I fight?
Will I fight great sword, or florentine?
Here's what he said, that night-
Join the SCA! Whatever you'll be, you'll be!
If you'd fight medievally, join the SCA!
When I was just a mundane boy
I asked the Herald, before the crowd,
Should it be Argent? or Vert and Purpur?
Here's what he said, out loud!
Join the SCA! Whatever you'll be, you'll be
If you'd blazon medievally, join the SCA!
When I was just a mundane boy
I asked the brew Meister, what should I brew?
Should I brew beer? or a Wine or a Mead?
Here's what he said, to do-
Join the SCA! Whatever, it's fine with me!
We will drink it, Medievally! Join the SCA!
....asked the Seneschal, how should I rule?
Be beaurocratic, make lots of red tape!
If you'd rule medievally!
...asked the dancer, how should I dance?
Round in a hornpipe? A jig or a bransle?
If you'd dance medievally!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Loch Wood
20 MAR 88
My Medieval Lady
to the tune of: My Sweet Lady - John Denver
Lady, are you crying? As I come back from the field?
Just because my fighting surcoat, is all torn?
Lady, you've been dreaming, if you thought that it would last!
'Cause we fight just like they did back in the past!
Chorus:
Close your eyes and rest, your weary mind!
I promise I will stay right there beside you!
Until the rents are joined, that are torn astray!
I wish that you could know-how brave I was-today!
Lady, aren't you happy? Your favor was honored today!
I won :"Best Death" at the tourney, dying in the fray!
Lady, My Sweet Lady, you shouldn't cry, though it's true
My surcoat now is brown, where once it was blue!
(Chorus)
(1st verse, chorus and end)
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Loch Wood
20 MAR 88
It's Time To Hit The Road, Dear!
to the tune of: Leaving On A Jet Plane by John Denver
All my armor's packed, the munchies in back
The shields are stacked on the luggage rack
Already we are four hours late to leave
The sun's gone down, I hear your machine
I hear you cursing the thread with spleen
You've waited far too long, I do believe!
Chorus:
So, just grab some other dress!
That Tudor's nice, you must confess!
You don't have to wear a brand new dress each time!
It's time to hit the road, dear!
Come on, now, get your buns in gear!
Oh, just pick out something easily cleaned!
There's so many times I've let you down
I know I've never won you a crown
I tell you now, it don't mean a thing
'Cause every fight, I fight for you
And every filk, I filk for you
But just come now, and I won't even sing!
(Chorus)
Now the time is getting late, dear!
If we don't go now, I very much fear,
All the crash space there will all be gone!
And now you're windin' another bobbin'
When we should already be robbin'
Duct tape from each other, in the dawn!
(Chorus)
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Loch Wood
31 MAR 88
A Peasant's Plaint - "As Long As He Needs Mead"
to the tune of: "As Long As He Needs Me" from the Musical "Oliver!"
As long as he needs mead
I know his call I'll heed
I'll serve in song and deed
As long as he-needs mead!
As long as lovers pine
I'll serve him ale or wine
Each time he sits to dine
As long as he - needs mead!
If you're a peasant
Then you will know
When your lord feeds you
You love him so-o-o!
I won't be poisoning him
Though sometimes life is grim
For with my wits so dim
I just know he-needs mead!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Nihonyama
April 10, 1988
It's A Long Way To Go To Pennsic
to the tune of:
It's A Long Way To Tipperary
It's a long way to go to Pennsic
It's a long way to go
It's a long way to go to Pennsic
To the grandest war I know!
Goodbye to the shire
Farewell to the fair!
It's a long, long way to go to Pennsic
But my heart's already there!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Nihonyama
April 10, 1988
--------------------------------
Let Helmets Ring!
to the tune of: God Save the Queen (My Country 'Tis Of Thee)
My helm is blinding me
Lord, I can barely see
Of Helms I sing!
Be it a Bascinet
Great Helm or Travesty
Brand "Spangen" new or plain old thing,
Let Helmets Ring!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Nihonyama, Far West Barony
April 10, 1988
When You Use A Morning Star
to the tune of: When You Wish Upon A Star
When you use a morning star
Makes no difference who they are
All the other fighting men will
Bow to you....
If brute force you do esteem
No demands are too extreme
When you use a morning star
As knights will do....
A morning star
Will bring to those who fight
The sweetness and the light
To win their ba-ha-ha-tles.....
Like a bolt out of the blue
A star swings in and sees you through
When you use a morning star
Your dreams come true!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Nihonyama, Far West Barony
April 11, 1988
Revelry Tonight
to the tune of:
Comedy Tonight from "Something Funny Happened On The Way To The Forum"
Something familiar, Something Peculiar
Something medieval, some revelry-tonight!
Something appealing, something appalling,
Something medieval, some revelry tonight!
There goes the King, Twirling his crown
In Court he's pretentious, now he's a clown!
Old situations, new complications
Nothing pretentious or polite!
Mundane tomorrow, Revelry tonite!
Jugglers convulsive, peasants repulsive,
Something medieval, some revelry, tonight!
Lassies esthetic, fool so frenetic
Something medieval, some revelry, tonight!
Nothing of wizards, nothing of elves,
Hands off my lady, find one yourselves!
Nothing that's formal, nothing that's normal,
Several folks have filks here to recite!
Open the bottles, it's revelry tonight!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Nihonyama, Far West Barony
April 12, 1988
Beat 'em Down My Squire
to the tune of: Buckle Down Winsocki
Beat 'em down, my squire, beat 'em down
You can win, my squire, if you'll beat 'em down
If you break their necks, If you make them wrecks,
You can break the hex,
So beat 'em down, yes, beat 'em down!
Make 'em yell my squire, make 'em yell!
You can win my squire, if you give 'em hell!
If you don't give in, Or take it on the chin,
You are bound to win,
If you will only beat 'em down!
Bridge:
If you fight you'll chuckle at defeat
If you fight your luck'll not retreat! (I repeat)
Beat 'em down, my squire, beat 'em down!
You can win my squire, if you beat 'em down!
If you mow them down, If you go to town,
You can wear the crown,
If you will only beat 'em down!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Nihonyama, Far West Barony
April 13, 1988
Note: Some of us will remember this as the old "Buckle Up For Safety" TV Commercial spot, and thereby show how creaky old we are...
End Of Book Five