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#38-A Lady's Smile
I don't believe the artful smile
I watch her darkening eye
For smiling at you all the while
Her eyes say coldly, "Die!"
And when she is not smiling
There may be a glitter there
The face may be beguiling,
But the eyes will tell you where
The imp is waiting inside to pounce
In pun-ishment devine
Her words a whip, her eyes a'bounce
Her mind's a cat-o-nine
I know she knows this song's for her
And if you've seen her eye
I know you've known the Lady's care
And seen her eyes say, "Die!"
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
2 SEP 87
#39
Moonlit Fire
We sailed upon a moonlit sea
As smooth as any mirror
And saw a light become a fire
Aboard a ship. When nearer,
We boarded her, put out the blaze
Searched high and low for men
Found lifeboats left and meals still warm
But not a man, and then,
We made a search for miles around
But what else could we do?
Not a sign was ever found
Of Captain, load or crew.
We sail upon a moonlit sea
As smooth as any mirror
I sleep a bit less comfortably
I keep my weapons nearer.
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22 Loch Wood, Far West Barony
6 SEP 87
Note: this is autobiographical...South China Sea, summer of 87
#40-The Squire
to the tune of: You Picked A Fine To Leave Me Lucille
In a mead hall at Pennsic, across from the Eric
On a barstool she left her red belt
She ordered an ale, a downhearted female
I saw on her arm a great welt
When the drinks finally hit her, she said,
"I'm no quitter, but I'm tired of dying for dreams!
I'm hungry for living, the price that you're giving,
It's time now to see what a traitor's life brings!
In a shield I saw him and I closely watched him
And thought how he looked out of sorts
He came to the squire, in muddied attire
From actively violent sports!
The great helm was dented, he looked like a mountain,
For a minute, I thought I was dead!
But he started shakin', his great heart a-breakin'
and turned to the squire and said:
Chorus:
You picked a fine time to leave me McGuire!
Four men against me and I'm stuck in the mire!
I've had some bad fights, got through some sad tights,
But now you've abandoned your sire!
You picked a fine time to leave me McGuire!
After he left us I ordered more ale
And thought how the Lord had looked small
From the Alehouse's feast board, to the hall of my leige lord
We walked without talking at all
She was a strong fighter which made my task lighter
But she must have thought I'd lost my mind
I couldn't hold her, the words that he told her
Kept coming back time after time-
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, in Loch Wood, Far West Barony
6 SEP 87
#41
Hey Trude!
to the tune of: Hey Jude
Hey, Trude! Don't take it bad
Take a sad wrong, go out and right it
Remember, don't let 'em under your guard
Then you hit hard, and make 'em bite it!
Hey Trude! She's not afraid!
She was made to go out and conquer
The minute the Marshall's calling, "Lay On!"
Then she is gone, before they can bonk her!
And any time you feel the pain, Hey Trude! Refrain!
Don't carry the shield wall on your shoulder!
And don't you know that it's a fluke, that Duke, was there
To make your eyes a little colder!
Nah-nah-nah
Nah-nah!
Nah-nah-nah, Nah!
Hey, Trude, your cat will grin!
Upon your shield, each time you win!
Your foeman is lying out on the grass!
You kicked some (CL)ass!
And made him yield, yield, yeild, etc.,Yah!
More nah-nahs, etc.
Charric Van der Vliet
and the Mad Cook of Loch Wood
(a 5'8" rabbit)
AS22, in Loch Wood, Far West Barony
13 SEP 87
Note: Countess Sir Trude Lacklandia, 1st female
Knight of the SCA
has as her device a documented Cheshire Cat.
#42
If Heaven Ain't like the Knowne Worlde
to the tune of: If Heaven Ain't A Lot Like Dixie
If Heaven ain't like the known world
I don' wanna go!
If Heaven ain't like the known world
I'd just as soon stay home!
If they don't have a bardic circle
With a Medieval Melody
Just send me to hell, or my mundane job
It'd be about the same to me!
I was one of the cozened few
To fight Medievally!
Now my armor stink! and I take a drink!
And dream of victory!
I've went thru a lot of good wenches,
Fought battles hand to hand!
If I never see the pearly gates,
I've walked thru the promised land!
I got piles of scrap and wench on my lap
Sittin' around my forge
My shop's a mess, I must confess
But I'm happy here, by George!
All these pretty little wenches here
Are a fighter jockey's dream!
They ain't got wings or halos, but
They sure look good to me!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Nihonyama, Far West Barony
30 SEP 87
#43
Gold Key
to the tune of: "Mrs. Robinson"
We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files
Please sign this waiver, if you please!
Look around you all you see are people dressed up strange
Stroll around the grounds, but not the archery range!
And here's to you, Future Scadian!
They're fighting on the Eric out that way-hey, hey, hey!
BOD bless you please, Future Scadian!
The Eric is the place for those who
play-hey-hey-hey! Hey-hey-hey!
Driving in your Dragon's just not done when you're 'round here
The little room's off in the trees!
We're a little crazy, but we're harmless to the core!
You can be a Templar or a heathen Spanish Moor!
Now here's to you, Future Scadian!
We've rental garb to clothe you for a
fee-hee-hee-hee!
BOD bless you please, Future Scadian!
The boffer tourney's made for kids like you!
Hoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!
Sitting by the Eric on a sunny afternoon
The fighters win when they don't lose!
I forgot, now please, don't call just anybody Sir!
This site is wet but you must bring all your own booze!
Where have you gone Future Scadian
A maiden turned her lonely eyes on
you-woo-woo-woo!
What's that you say, Future Scadian?
The maiden now has left and gone away?
Hey-hey-hey! Hey-hey-hey!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
19 OCT 87
#44
Chopsticks (Tune II)
To the tune of Slip-Slidin' Away
Chorus:
Slip Slidin' Away, Slip Slidin' Away
You know the nearer that your mouth gets,
The more of it goes slidin' away!
I know a man-He came from my home town
He wore his history within our group-Upon his gown
He said, "It's Nippon! I must persevere!"
But if you took away the stains, you know
His gown would probably disappear!
(Chorus)
I know a woman-She was a wife
These were the very tools she uses-To fulfill her life
She said, "A chopstick-Stays hard all day
And it doesn't add the calories of
Other forms of sweetly amorous play!"
(Chorus)
I knew a father, He had a son
He longed to teach him all the tricks he'd learned-Since AS One
But a round-eye-Just can't explain
Co-ordination with the chopsticks
Eluded him again and again!
(Chorus)
God only knows-He makes his plan
Co-ordination's unattainable-For the round-eye man
Work at our food-Collect our grain
Finally we get a bite, But then it goes slip-slidin' again!
(Chorus)
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood
22OCT87
#45
The Morning After Has Broken
to the tune of: Morning Has Broken by Cat Stevens
My head is Broken!
My song is "never again"!
Speak softly, Angel!
To your poor man!
My head is ringing!
Raise up some coffee!
Raise Bloody Mary,
Fresh from the can!
Sweet the juice doth flow!
Sun kissed from heaven-
Make a screwdriver
With the first glass!
Praise for the B-Twelve!
Praise for the Aspirin!
Except for Bob, he
Is Myth-ing again!
I must go fight, now!
Mine is the duty!
Born of the fealty
I gave the King!
Raise up my armor!
Raise up my standard!
BOD's re-creation
Of the new age!
My head is broken!
My song is "never again"!
Speak softly Angel
To your poor man!
My head is ringing!
Raise up some coffee!
Raise Bloody Mary!
Fresh from the can!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
25 OCT 87
#46
Ride the Night
Air of Faer
Sea of Wave
Earthy Love
It's Fire you Crave!
The elements command
My love, demand
Feel the welkin turn!
Air and Sea
Earth to Fire
Feel my passion burn!
Air of Faer
Sea of Wave
Earthy Love
It's Fire you Crave!
Will you in darkness naked ride?
To tame a restless steed?
To catch a man-drake in the night
And take from him his seed?
Air of Faer
Sea of Wave
Earthy Love
It's Fire you Crave!
Feel triumphant languor deep
The victory inside-
Bringing life back from the night
A wild exalted ride!
Air of Faer
Sea of Wave
Earthy Love
It's Fire you Crave!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
26 OCT 87
#47
The Filker's Song
to the tune of: Blue Tail Fly (Jimmy Crack Corn)
Oh, Filkers come, and filkers go-
I've filked a tune or two, you know-
The true test of a gal or guy
Is can they filk it on the fly?
Chorus:
Give 'em an air and they don't care!
Give 'em an air and they don't care!
Give 'em an air and they don't care!
They'll filk it on the fly!
Now, Deirdre M. filked quite all right
And Andy Mac filked Silent Knight
Ol' Bill the Lucky had the key
How's 'bout Francis of Saxony?
Now, Linnet Kestrel liked her sheep
Sir Steven Sword on Shield keep!
The Clan O' Gordon's Birthday Song
Would be less gloomy if it weren't so long!
Now those I've left out, don't be mad!
Just hear the idea I have had!
Go out and write an added verse!
"Can you top this?" is the minstrel's curse!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
27OCT87
-Obviously I can filk it on "The Fly"...CVV
#47
Leather and Wood
to the tune of Norwegian Wood by John Lennon
(original working title, Knowing She
Would)
I once had a maid, or should I say, she once had me?
She showed me her room, isn't it good? leather and wood...
She asked me to stay and she took off my weapons and chain
From the handcuffs she showed to me then, I knew she was into pain!
I sat on the rug, biting the twine, isn't it fine?
She teased me till two, feather in hand, then made her demand...
She told me I'd not see the morning and started to laugh!
I told her I thought that excessive, for a small social gaffe!
And when I awoke, I was alone, my mistress flown
So, I lit the fire, isn't it good, leather and wood...
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
28 OCT 87
#48
Picts For Sale
to the tune of King Of The Road
Native, for Sale or Rent!
Captured, recently, in Kent!
No clothes on, got no spear!
His tattoos cover up his rear!
Ah, but-
Run away, he canna do!
Buy a Pict you will not rue!
His buns are painted blue!
--King of the Woad!
Here I've got a chieftan tall
Blue-blooded, tattoos over all
Only taken one little fall
When he tried climbin' Hadrian's Wall
Ah, But-
Feed 'im up and 'ose 'im down
He'll soon be up and around
Can't lose HIM in a crown in town!
--King of the Woad!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
28 OCT 87
#49
When He's Comin' T' Home
Wait for he who's across the sea
You Highland lassie who lives on the lea
Though many a wench in a foreigner's port
May seek him for pleasure, he'll not have that sort, so
Don't be discouraged, your sailor must roam,
But he's comin' for you, when he's comin' t' home.
Though many long days, slowly turning, may pass,
Your sailor at sea, he but thinks of his lass
And when he comes home, and holds you at last
The long wait means little, it's time that is passed, so
Don't be discouraged, your sailor must roam,
But he's comin for you, when he's comin t' home.
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
29 OCT 87
#50
I'm a Fighter Jockey, Randy!
to the tune of: I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy!
I'm a fighter jockey randy!
A fighter jockey, do or die!
A real, live, poster boy for Trojan-eze!
Born with a caul on my eye!
I'm a fighter jockey, sweetheart!
I live for combat, broads and booze!
A fighter jockey went to war
In shield and helmet gory,
Knowing there's no way he can lose!
I'm a fighter jockey, darling!
I dance with wenches at the balls!
And fight with other jocks who think they're great!
Of course, It's them not me who takes the falls!
I'm a fighter jockey, honey!
I drink, yes, more than any can!
My drink is as the drink of ten,
Because my mead is pure!
I am a fighter jockey man!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
31 OCT 87
#51
Scadian Woman!
to the tune of: American Woman (the Guess Who)
Scadian Woman! Stay away from me!
Scadian Woman! Lady, let me be!
Don' come a watchin me fight no more!
Don' wanna see your taste for gore!
Don' come watchin' me armoring!
Say, wench, don' you ever wash that thing?
Now, Woman! I said stay, away!
Scadian Woman! Lissen whut ah sa-a-a-a-y!
(bagpipe solo)
Scadian Woman! Stay away from me!
Scadian Woman! Lady, lemme be!
Don' come a-watchin' me fight no more!
I dowanna see your taste for gore!
Tarot cards can tell the tale!
Go butter up some other male!
Now, Woman! I said, stay away!
Scadian Woman! Lissen whut ah sa-a-a-a-y!
(bagpipe solo II)
Scadian Woman! Stay away from me!
Scadian Woman! Lady, lemme be!
Don' come a-watchin' me fight no more!
I dowanna see your taste for gore!
I don' need your Tudor dress,
To see your love life is a mess!
Tarot cards can tell the tale!
Go butter up some other male!
Don' come a watchin' me armoring,
Say, wench! Don' you ever wash that thing!?!
Gotta get away, gotta get away, now go,go,go!
Gonna leave ya woman! Gonna leave ya woman!
Bye-bye!Bye-bye!Bye-bye!Bye-bye!
You're no good for me! I'm no good for you!
Gonna look you right in the eye, tellya what I'm gonna do!
I'm gonna leave! Ya know, I'm gonna go! ....etc.....etc....vamp
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
2 NOV 87
being chivalrous is preppy, but
#52
Rhinohiding's Not Key
to the tune of These Eyes by The Guess Who
...(written during the "preppy" craze)
These eyes-can't see a thing-from this helm
These arms-covered with bruises-overwhelm
The hurtin's on me, yeah!
Rhinohiding's not key, nonono!
My arm was out there, you see, yeah!
And you broke it! You broke it, uh-oh!
These eyes-watched you bring my glory to an end!
This heart-would hate you if you weren't my only friend!
The hurtin's on me yeah!
Rhinohiding's not key, nonono!
My arm was out there you see, yeah!
And you broke it! You broke it, uh-oh!
Break:
These eyes-are cryin'
These arms have known a lotta pain
But they're never gonna know another
Pain like they got from you!
(repeat break 2 times)
(repeat 1st verse)
(repeat break and vamp 'til bored)
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
2NOV87
#53
God Rest Ye, Weary Footman!
to the tune of: God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen!
God rest ye, weary footman!
That Saxon Maid is hot!
She's giving you "come hither" looks
And what a bold sex-pot!
She's sure to like you better than
This other scum, a lot
But there is a reason that you better not
Better not! Yes!
There is a reason that you better not!
God rest ye, weary footman!
Yer wench with golden locks
Has been to see the Baronet
And now she's got the pox!
And though it's not as pretty, you'd do better with
your ox!
Or like the knights of old, just use your sox! Be so bold!
And like the knights of old just use your sox!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
2 NOV 87
#54
Coat o' Plate
to the tune of: Kodachrome
When I look back on all the crap I learned of
fighting
It's a wonder I can fight at all!
And though my lack of education's often hurt me some
Still I learned a lot of ways to fall!
Chorus:
Coat o' plate-
Gimme the jingling armor
Gimme the ringing armor
Makes me think all the world
Can't beat me today, oh, yeah!
I'm like an armadillo
Love to beat upon my shield
Mama don' take my
Coat o' plate away!
If you took all the wenches that I did at tourneys
And brought them all together for one knight
I know they'd never be a match for Sir
__________ (fill in appropriate name)
There's a guy whose pole-arm loves a fight!
(Chorus)
Mama don' take my coat o' plate
Mama don' take my coat o' plate
Mama don' take my coat o' plate away...
vamp, etc....
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
19 OCT 87
#55
Fighter Jockey's Drinking Song
to the tune of the Apostle's Drinking Song from
Jesus Christ Superstar
Look at all my tests of might in armor
Sinking in a gentle pool of mead
Don't disturb us now, I'm not going to harm her,
Till the morning just a rubber's all we need!
Always knew I'd be a fighter jockey!
Knew that I could make it if I tried!
Then when we retire, we can write the handbooks,
Never mentioning how often we have died!
Love to bash a noble bastard's face in!
Pass around that bottle if you please!
Though we so perspire, we're just what the girls want
Cuz we all have come just recently from trees!
Always knew I'd be a fighter jockey!
Knew that I could make it if I tried!
Wench, you've bound my foot! And now my arms aren't moving!
How can I show my prowess if I'm tied!
(Silence)
Oh!
That's how!
MMMMMMMMMMMM.......
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Loch Wood, Far West Barony
2 NOV 87
Thus endeth the third Boke....CVV