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#1-Hang Up Your Armor, Eric
===============================
to the tune of:
Hang Down Your Head, Tom Dooley
===============================
Chorus:
Hang up your armor, Eric!
Hang up your sheild and mace!
Hang up your armor, Eric!
It's too heavy for us to face!
Verse 1:
You say the weight's not felt when
It's carried on the hip
Could, then, explain why
The straps and buckles rip? (Bad karma?)
(Chorus)
Verse 2:
Your lady tried to help you
By lifting up one end
Now that she's got so muscled
She don't need you to defend (her honor)
(Chorus)
Verse 3:
You used to have a dragon
'Till you put all that weight on him
Now boy, your dragon's-draggin'
And his vision is goin' dim (poor dragon!)
(Chorus)
Verse 4:
Your armor clanks and clatters
When you are sneakin' round
Slow as you are in battle
It's sure that you will be crowned! (not King, though!)
Charric Van der Vliet
Korsvag, AS 21
===============================
#2- The Two Scotts
===============================
The Scott Who Was Not came to Korsvag
Out from An Tir way
Mighty fighter and wencher, fill his mug and a trencher,
And he'd carry the field come the day
The leading fighter of Korsvag
Donal McKeichan by fame
Knew the training of fighters and combat with blighters
And called all his men up by name
Up Eric! Come Charric! It's fighting today!
Get William, the fiery ram!
Henry Fordor, don armor, stop being a farmer
And hear now what I have to say!
A Scot who is not comes to Korsvag
And declares that the field will be his
We'll meet at the Sheppard's Arena
And show the great lout what's the biz
So Eric, who clanked in his armor
So heavy he hardly could move
And Charric, who's very lighthearted,
And William whose motion is smooth
And Henry Fordor, the Crazy and Quiet
Who'd never refuse any dare
Took themselves to the sawdust of Sheppard's
And what do you think they saw there?
A fighter stood forth on the field that day
His armor was crimson and grey
He said, "I am Michael the Hawk from An Tir
Would any of you like to play?"
The brothers of Uffda were angered at this
And Eric moved onto the field
Said he, "I am Eric of Borgen, thou knave
And you would do well now to yield!"
"For I, in my armor feel nothing,
It's weight, it all rides on the hip
And before I destroy you completely
You should now forswear all your lip!"
"This field belongs to the Uffda!
A warrior brotherhood we,
And we'll carry the day in Korvagian way
Lay on! And get chastised by me!"
So the two men stepped forward so boldly
(One going clankety-clink)
And with glorious mettle, the two then did settle,
All their diff'ring opinions, (I think)
For when the dust cleared, the spectators neared
A vision of one standing proud
And one who was flat on his back on the ground
'Twas Eric, groaning aloud.
Now Charric came forth and pulled out his sword
And banging it into his sheild
Said, "You've done for good Eric, but come now for Charric
Van der Vliet, and prepare ye to yeild!
So Charric stepped up to the warrior in red,
And pressed him in close with his sheild
The fighter in Red caught him square in the head
And laid him out cold in the field
Now William was bright in his armor of gold
And he knew that his weapon was sure
He stepped to his foe, and he said, "Let us go"
And his rage at the Hawk then was pure
They smote on their sheilds and warily turned
Each seeking an opening to strike
And with furious flurry, so fast it was blurry,
One conquered. (Red and Grey Mike)
Henry Fordor was now in a frenzy to fight
And came up to the stranger, his eyes
Bulging out of his head, with the fury of one
Who cares not if he lives or he dies
He said not a word, but went straight for the head
(Michael barely did block it in time)
Then swung for the arms and the legs and the trunk
Without any reason or rhyme
The Hawk of the West was daunted at first
Was this madman to be his demise?
But prowess and reason then came to his aid,
"Why, look at his sheild, how it flies!"
"He leaves himself open on every swing!
And I've but to fit in the gap!
Suiting action to words, he then stood his ground,
And laid out a most cunning trap:
He struck for the leg, continuously
And then came around for the kill
An Over-the-head-wrap-around-backhanded blow
Right into the helmet to fill
Poor young Henry's head with a ring it is said
Continues e'en unto this day
Which accounts for the curious look in his eye
As he travels to work and to play
So all the Brethren trudged home from the field
Went to Donal McKeichan the Scot
And had to confess to that worthy
Their defeat by the Scott Who Was Not
Donal looked at their crestfallen faces
And Honor bespoke a reply
"I'll not have a Scott Who Is Not on our field
This Red and Grey Warrior must die!"
Suiting action to words, he then donned his suit
Old and dented from glorious frays
And taking up sheild and his good trusty sword
(Which glittered in all the sun's rays)
He went to the ground where the Hawk had held sway
And declared to the lone fighter there
"I've come to keep Honor, for Korsvag, and Uffda
And best that you should be aware"
"I fight from the Sinister," quoth Don chivalrously
"And there will no advantage be taken,
I'll wait till you're rested, only then you'll be bested
by me, I am Donal McKeichan!"
"Your actions are chivalrous, your speech, it is fair."
Said Michael the Hawk in return
"So come to my table and (if you are able to)
Drink of the mead that is there!"
Don was impressed by the Hawk's great largesse
In offering mead to a foe
So the Scot and the Scott who was not sat them down
And to drinking the mead they did go
Don took his mug, and quaffed it right down
Disdaining to come up for air
So fast did the Hawk follow suit with his own
The curl all went out of his hair
"I am," quoth McKeichan the Scot, "without peer
At drinking down booze like the Scotch and the beer,
But no one I've seen, can be near as mean,
As I am when mead's around near!"
Now Michael the Scott Who Was Not, he was game,
And spoke up exceedingly fast
"You may have done well in the Midrealm, that's swell!
But your glory is all in the past!"
They both took to drinking and matching the height
Of the mead that they poured in each cup
And clinking together without turning a feather,
Drank them down saying each, "Bottom's Up!"
The rest of the tale they were too drunk to recall
Except for this curious twist-
The Scot and the Scott Who Was Not had become
Brothers of Lifting the Wrist
So a new fighter was joined to the Uffdanian Corp,
A Scott Who Was Not from out west
And of battles and drinking this bard says no more
He needs food and some mead and his rest.
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 21, Korsvag
March 31, 1986
===============================
#3-Babe in Arms
===============================
I'm in love with whazizname
The one who fights alone
With dreamy eyes and corded thighs of
Muscle over bone, I know
He's athletic and he's thoughtful
And sober when not drinking
He's loving and he's hateful (I'm
In lust, that's what I'm thinking)
I'll offer him my favor,
In hopes he'll take the field
That has naught to do with tourneys
And make ME want to yeild
I'll offer him a drink, yes,
And wipe his fevered brow
And offer him a snack to eat
And have him tell me how
That sly fake with his sheild caught
The fighter by surprise
And left him lying on the ground
With painful groans and sighs
And then, (Just Think!) the joy to come
As we to my tent retire
The ecstasies, the revelries!
The slowly building fire!
Oh, look, he's coming closer now!
My heart, it feels a wrench!
Because he's taken off his helm,
And -(SNIFF)- my lord's a WENCH!
===============================
#4 An Armoring Song
===============================
to the tune of:
I've Been Working On the Railroad
===============================
I've been workin' on my armor, All the livelong day
I've been workin' on my armor, Just to keep my foes at bay!
Don't ya hear the anvil ringing? Hand me the rivets please?
Go and get us some more duct tape, For the padding on the knees!
Pain from my knees, pain from my knees Pain from my knees is killing me!
Pain from my knees, pain from my knees
Get that duct tape, please!
===============================
#5 - Killing Ditty
to the tune of- Row, Row, Row Your Boat
===============================
Kill, Kill, Kill your man
Hit 'em in the face
Make 'em yield his sword and sheild
And dirty up his face!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS20, Korsvag
27 April 1986
===============================
#6-The Ten Commandments of Combat
===============================
I. Fight with care upon an uneven list, lest thou be bounced upon thy buttocks in a most
ungentlemanly manner.
II. Fight not without a groin cup, lest thy lady be frustrated nightly, and have no further use for
thee, except thy wage.
III. Fight not with lowered kidney pad, for if thou dost, thy buddies will surely be buying beers
for thy widow, and consoling her in ways not generally acceptable to thee.
IV. Awake! and take great care to measure the force of thine opponent's blows, lest he be
tempted to adjust his whipsticks to the "hurt real bad" setting as a means of gaining thy attention.
V. Strike not below the knee, lest the fury of the marshall shall descend about thy head and
shoulders.
VI. Know thou that what you have gotten away with in whatever place you came from doth not
supercede "Society Minimums".
VII. Ensure the padding which enrims your sheild is of a goodly quality, lest flying splinters dim
thy vision evermore. (It's all just fun 'till someone puts an eye out...)
VIII. Remember that though the opponent opposite you is a low life member of that other
egg-sucking villeinous kingdom/barony/household, he is also that rarest of friends, one who will
willingly let you attempt to strike him with a big honking stick. Protect him accordingly.
IX. Strike not the man with the stripey stick.
X. Read thou the words of the prophets, which are written in the instruction manuals, and you
cannot make mistakes, sometimes, maybe. Amen
Group Authored by the Marshalls of the Inspection Tent at Pennsic War, A.D.2001
===============================
#7- An Object of Veneration
===============================
Rounded and firm, yet resilient
With upturned head in contention
Thrusting forward and withdrawing from
The object of my apprehension
I grasp my weapon and move on in
And focus my attention-
Do you like shinai, too?
Charric Van der Vliet
AS21, Korsvag
August 6, 1986
===============================
#8-Re-quest
===============================
In olden times they went a-questing
(Like Pellinore for his beast)
And tales were told of questing
'Round the tables at the feast.
Now all this brings to question
For those who re-create the best
If you re-create the questing
Would that then be your re-quest?
If you ask a lady fairly
To tarry for a while
If the object of your dreams is but
The sunshine of her smile
Is that not a quest of sorts,
To seek a Lady's charms?
To seize the prize that lies between
Her all encircling arms?
If you seek to breach a barrier
To gain a worthy prize,
To take the booty promised in
The landscape of her eyes?
Was ever treasure greater than
the one between her thighs?
If she fulfill it, your re-quest can be
The joy that courage buys!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Nihonyama, Far West Barony
May 15, 1987
===============================
#9 - Reverie In Mundania
===============================
Germanic, in a panic,
Fighting off a scheme
Schizophrensic, off to Pennsic
Psychotic sorts of dream
Black Horde, I'm bored,
And broke, my boss despotic
And my girl is leaving me
To be auto-erotic
Bring to me the silly coat
That ties up in the back
And I'll call it my gambeson
While fighting my attack
Of P.E.D., I'm burning out
In Post Event Depression
Time now for my therapy
Of acting out agression
Put on armor, grab a mace
Forget the rotten rats who race
Around my skull and down my spine
Let's drink a cup or two of wine!
To say a toast or two is best
While yet we can be free
Illigitimus non carborundum est!
The SCA for me!
===============================
#10- Where's my Page?
===============================
To the tune of:
Turn the Page (with apologies to Bob Seegar)
===============================
Verse I-
Walked into a restaurant
They took all my gold
I'm trying not to listen as
I'm shaking off the cold
To that same old cliche about
When the knights were bold....... ________________________________________________
Chorus-
Here I am, on the road again Here I am, Throwing' down the guage Here I am, playin' at war
again' Here I am, where's my page?!?
_________________________________________________
Verse II-
Hear the dragons roaring as We move on up and down, Lost in misty memories, now Which way
was that town? Is all the hassle worth the cost? To someday wear a crown?
(Chorus) _________________________________________________
Verse III-
We keep traveling on, and on, Nightime into day, "Hey there, Bud! Sir Lancelot! Hey, are you in
a play? That's a beauty of a helmet Sir, And how much did you pay?
(Chorus)
Charric Van der Vliet
AS21, Korsvag, Northshield
August 7, 1986
===============================
#11- Borealis
Traveling in strange country
On a journey through the night
We gathered near our caravan
To watch the skies so bright
With rainbow beams that hailed the gleams
Of heaven's holy light
In the Land of Northsheild
Where might is not the right
Aurora Borealis
The light is shining here
From Myrgan Wood to Castel Rouge
To Tor of the Silfren Mere
It calls us all to fellowship
It calls on us to play
Remember Northsheild, Borealis,
In the coming of the day
Charric Van der Vliet
AS21, Northsheild
===============================
#12- Baron Cein is Coming to Town
To the tune of:
Santa Claus is Comin' to Town
===============================
Better not cry, better not shout,
Rebel cries, you drunken lout!
Baron Cein is comin' to town! He's holding the lists, fighting in turn,
All the peasants who will not learn!
Baron Cein is comin' to town
He knows with whom you're fighting
The Middle or the East,
He knows how much you're drinking
When you're wenching at the feast!
You screw up, it's quarantine,
Cein fights flamingos Florentine!
Baron Cein is comin' to town!
Notes:
Cein is pronounced "Kane".
On one fine freaking expedition, the Baron somehow ended up with a lawn flamingo under his
arm when we got to the revel....he talked to it all night. They have good mead in this part of the
Northern Midrealm.
Charric Van der Vliet & Roland d'Allan
Castle Rouge
August '86
===============================
#13 Knight in the Box
===============================
Sir Atai, he had three squires
The squires, they made some bets
And before the Andrews sisters could complain
We were calling them all, Yosh-ettes...
Yoshina had a little van
it's color white as snow
And everywhere Yoshina went
Yosh-ettes were sure to go
They followed him to fight one day
And froze out in the cold
They'd not have gone the other way
Not for love or gold
A squire's duty's to his lord
Yoshina was their knight
They made sure he came out on top
In every melee fight
By dying in droves to protect him
And never would they yeild
A squire's duty's plain to see
Out on the tourney field
Yoshina had a little squire
He's gone now, don't you know
But everywhere Yoshina is
Yosh-ettes are sure to go!
===============================
#14 - Goodbye, Korsvag
===============================
Let us go to see a fight
A lesson from a Scott
A clan which sees a common light
Although they fight-a-lot!
They make of me a Chronicler
And thans to lights above
In Borealis I feast and fight
And twice am blest with love
I travel to North a bit
Singing as I go
With others I made stroied rhyme
And watch the shadows grow
Mythic heros, common flesh
Ennobled by the light
That shines without from fires within
Around the fires at night
I sit to tell you all this eve
How I feel, going, alone
A frightening sadness now, to leave
But a great joy to have known.
Charric Van der Vliet
AS 21, Korsvag
14, August 19'86
===============================
#15- Three Pictish Warriors
===============================
(or) We'll have none of that, Here!
by Sans Halo and the Wookie
===============================
To the tune of:
When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again
_______________________________________________ Three Pictish warriors came from
the North, in blue, in blue,
Three Pictish warriors came from the North, in blue, in blue,
Three Pictish warriors came from the North,
because it was time to sally forth,
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
They fought their way across the wall,
in blue, in blue,
They fought their way across the wall,
in blue, in blue,
They fought their way across the wall,
They raped the sheep and burned the hall,
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
They came upon a wayside inn,
in blue, in blue,
They came upon a wayside inn,
in blue, in blue,
They came upon a wayside inn,
And kicked the Roman door right in,
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
The innkeeper had a daughter fair,
in blue, in blue,
The innkeeper had a daughter fair,
in blue, in blue,
The innkeeper had a daughter fair,
A buxom wench with long blond hair,
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
They had her in a feather bed,
in blue, in blue,
They had her in a feather bed,
in blue, in blue,
They had her in a feather bed,
Until her face was turning red,
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
The innkeeper he was so ashamed,
in blue, in blue,
The innkeeper he was so ashamed,
in blue, in blue,
The innkeeper he was so ashamed,
To see his daughter so defamed,
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
The innkeeper took up his trusty lance,
in blue, in blue,
The innkeeper took up his trusty lance,
in blue, in blue,
The innkeeper took up his trusty lance,
And made them put on some underpants,
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
And then he got out his carving knife
in blue, in blue,
And then he got out his carving knife
in blue, in blue,
And then he got out his carving knife
And gave them a choice-their woad or their life
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
Three Pictish warriors went to the pit,
in blue, in blue,
Three Pictish warriors went to the pit,
in blue, in blue,
Three Pictish warriors went to the pit,
And gave the devil a trembling fit,
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint HIS buns in blue!"
The devil kicked them out of hell,
in blue, in blue,
The devil kicked them out of hell,
in blue, in blue,
The devil kicked them out of hell,
Because they painted his buns so well
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint HIS buns in blue!"
In Heaven they did soon arrive,
in blue, in blue,
In Heaven they did soon arrive,
in blue, in blue,
In Heaven they did soon arrive,
St. Peter said, "Can we survive?"
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
St. Peter kicked them out the gate,
in blue, in blue,
St. Peter kicked them out the gate,
in blue, in blue,
St. Peter kicked them out the gate,
Because with Angels they had tried to mate,
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
They came back down to Earth again,
in blue, in blue,
They came back down to Earth again,
in blue, in blue,
They came back down to Earth again,
They raped a cow, a dog, a hen
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
They crossed the wall to head for home,
in blue, in blue,
They crossed the wall to head for home,
in blue, in blue,
They crossed the wall to head for home,
A sigh of relief was heard from Rome,
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
"We're safe when they are in the North,
in blue, in blue
"We're safe when they are in the North,
in blue, in blue
"We're safe when they are in the North,
Until they once more sally forth",
And they all sang,
"Koobah! Paint my buns in blue!"
AS21
Februray '87
somewhere on the road between Korsvag and Castel Rouge
===============================
#16- Hold the Line
===============================
To the tune of My Darling Clementine
__________________________________________
Says my leader, from behind us
All ye fighters hold the line!
For we cannot win the battle
If we do not hold the line!
Though you're dying, keep your place and
Your reward in heaven find
For if I am to be knighted
You must somehow hold the line!
Said the Countess to the Baron
Ye must give them watered wine,
'Cuz a bunch of drunken villeins
Cannot hope to hold the line!
Said the Baron to the Countess
Tell their widows not to pine
For I'll undertake to please them
While their fighters hold the line!
Oh, the Bards will sing the deeds of
All the royalty when we dine
But the fighter in the sheild wall
He must simply hold the line!
As I'm dying, please remember
Oh my leader dressed so fine,
That your land is built on men who
Keep the faith and hold the line!
So I'm shouting to my mates now,
All ye fighters, hold the line
For we cannot win the battle
If we do not hold the line!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Nihonyama, Far West Barony
June 9, 1987
===============================
#17 - It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Mayhem!
To the tune of:
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
===============================
I.
It's beginning to look a lot like mayhem,
All around the keep
There's a Tuchuk on the wall,
A Hordie in the hall,
How are we ever gonna keep them from the sheep?
II.
Mail and Brigandine
Camail for you and gorget for me!
Knee pads and elbows,
You know where the cup goes!
Saving generations of my posterity!
III.
(Sing I & II together in harmony)
IV.
It's beginning to look a lot like mayhem,
Soon the plague will start-
As the bells go ring-a-ling,
Bring out your dead,
Give them a fling!
Right into..........the...........CART!
Right into...................the..................CART!!!
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Nihonyama, Far West Barony
June 9, 1987
Notes:
In the musical "Here's Love" this song was performed in harmony with the song "Pine Cones and
Holly Berries". This tune should be used for Verse II. Verse IV may be sung either in unison or
in harmony
===============================
#18 - In the Evening by the Firelight
To the tune of :
In the Evening by the Moonlight
===============================
Note: This is based on an old barbershop quartet piece. It is best performed in that format.
_______________________________________________________________________________
In the evening by the firelight
You can hear the heroes singin'
In the eveing by the firelight You can hear the legends ringin'
How the gentles do enjoy it
They all sit around and listen
As we sing in the evening by the firelight.
Well King Arthur did enjoy it
As the harp told of Rome's glory.
Charlemagne would cry and heave a sigh
Roland weeps in purgatory.
Good King Wenceslaus gave to the poor
As they sang out in the snow
As they sang in the evening by the firelight.
Now the New Age is upon us
It makes heroes of us all,
Though there's few out there who'd dare compare
To the glory of Duke Paul
or the Pigeon Pounding Perigrynn
Or the rebellion of Prince Ed-
As we sing in the evening by the firelight.
Now you may not like our singing
But sincerity does merit
When our voices may be out of key
That you sit back, grin and bear it,
For a bard can make you legend
Or the laughing stock of ages,
As we sing in the evening by the firelight.
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Nihonyama, Far West Barony
June 10, 1987
===============================
#19 - Pun-ishment
To the tune of: Twa' Magicians
===============================
Warning: this filk contains wording which may be offensive to people with any semblance of
good taste....
===============================
Intro:
A warning to you goodly folk
Whose actions are most lawful
This song is raged PG, and
That stands for puns, gawd-awful!
Chorus
Bard, Laddie, Bard!
But you're trying way too hard!
When pun-ishment is in the air,
You must be on your guard!
Verse 1
When you have heard of Foo birds,
And Foo seals you can rue,
There's only one thing left to do,
That's call on Foo-Man-Choo! (Oh, Foo-ey!)
Chorus
Verse 2
A traitor told about a plot
To ruin beer so fine
The headline in the paper read,
"A Snitch in time saves Stein!" (Drink to the .....)
Chorus
Verse 3
Don't seek thrills in Tridania
With Mom and Pop and Kids!
'Cuz in the land Tridania
You know, "Kicks are for Trids!" (Silly Rabbi.....)
Chorus
Verse 4
Five Arabs to a hunting
With flames and torches go,
The message in the paper read: Four Score,
and Yemen Sears a Doe! (Flame On! and...)
Chorus
Verse 5
A lady fair liked poetry,
Her marriage rule bewichin':
Was if you cannot fake the Keats,
Stay out of the hitchin'!
(Till you.....)
Chorus
Verse
I am, of course, a Pictish sort
Back in my ancestry!
But if my song gives you the blues,
Just sing "O Woad is Me!" (Hit the woad, Jack!)
Chorus
Verse 7
Some may not like a word in play
When you are singing one!
But Sally Fields invented it,
The Fiendish Flying Pun! (Lord-a-mercy!)
Chorus
Verse 8
Now it's time to end this mess
With a classical refrain,
I hope my going from "Bard to Verse"
Won't cause you too much pain! (Yee ouch)
Chorus
Slowly:
Now my crime is ended,
Your pardon I do crave!
You must admit, my singing this,
Proves I am awfully brave.....
Charric Van der Vliet
AS22, Nihonyama, Far West Barony
June 11, 1987
===============================
This ends volume one
===============================